A tortured love letter to X: You have bewitched me, body and soul

Dear X:

As you’ve become synonymous with the most egregious megalomaniac ever borne by this planet (no, not that megalomaniac), I promised myself I would send you off into the sunset at the culmination of 2024. This decision did not come without many hours of soul-seeking and deep reflection of the time we’ve spent together. You’re my longest relationship at 15 years. We’ve had incredible highs and horrific lows. You’ve become a place of deep dread where people are truly terrible to each other, bringing out the darkest of humanity. And so, I decided earlier this year that it was time for us to have an end date. Come late December, I’d log in for the last time and leave you behind in search of Blue(r) Skies. But now the deadline is here, and it’s become even more clear: Twitter, my X love, I just can’t quit you.

You’ve made me laugh harder than any other digital medium.  The random takes on everything from Frandor to broken McDonald’s ice cream machines to the Presidential election to absolutely insane headlines: I truly have laughed harder in 2024 from the posts on you, my little Twitter machine, than all the other mediums in my life combined. One confession: I used to watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette just to search the # and get people’s real-time reactions to the absolute delusion on display.

You’ve been my steadfast TV guide: who’s the guest picker on College Gameday this week? Who’s hosting SNL? (Nate Bargatze the best on both counts!) How in the hell do I watch [insert football game here] without searching every streaming network?

I’ve turned to you for instant sourcing on the most pressing issues – which member of the Lions defensive line just got carted off the field (all of them) and what’s the official injury report? Have they captured the [insert name of assailant here]? Also:  #KARENWHITSETTWATCH

During this period of deep reflection, I had my epiphany on exactly why I’ve loved Twitter so much: it words good. And I’m a words girl. As much as I love a hilarious video or meme, and as many hours as I spend hearting dogs on IG, Twitter’s original 140-character count brought out the bare essentials from who I consider my people: the wordsmiths. The one-liner kings. The queens of brevity. You forced people to say more with less. No images or video cuts needed. I can get 10 minutes of gut splitting humor and most up-to-date news on X, instead of wasting a precious hour of my day on IG or TikTok watching long-form videos.

I tried, I really tried to quit. But you have the Capitol press corps. You have the politicos, both the hacks and the sincere policymakers. Because of your instant and abbreviated nature, you simply feel more unfiltered, more genuine and raw than the overproduced, influencer-heavy filtered (and PAID) content on other platforms. 

X, I’ll be honest with you: I’ve dipped in a toe over at Bluesky. It is showing some promise: a few key reporters I follow have hopped over there. Some members of Congress are even posting announcements now. But like Threads, which was poised to take off a full year-and a-half-ago and still hasn’t, it remains to be seen if the people I follow, the news I need to know and the full bellied laughs will make the move.

Until then, I’m staying with my X.