How Often Do Men Think About the Roman Empire? Is There a Female Equivalent?
If you’ve missed the viral TikTok trend (or you’re a Millennial like me and saw it on Instagram two weeks later), women are asking the men in their life “How often do you think about the Roman empire?” Most men’s answers are incredibly surprising, ranging from ‘3 times a day’ to ‘3 times a week’. The hilarity comes from them answering without hesitation, seemingly unsurprised to be asked this question at all.*
Women are reacting with bafflement as to not just why men are thinking about the Roman Empire, but how do they have TIME to think about the Roman Empire? Because most women have minds that are rotating dozens of thoughts at any given time. For an example, you can read America Ferrara’s brilliant monologue from the Barbie movie.*
Sadly, if I could guess what women think about as often as men think about the Roman Empire, it would be this: Self-doubt. Doubt in our abilities, our boundaries, and our work. Doubt in ourselves and who we are. How many times each day do we think: “Am I doing this right? Could I do better or more? Shouldn’t someone else be doing this instead of me?”
When I was asked to moderate a panel at Michigan Athena’s inaugural in-person conference on the topic of cultivating confidence, I was surprised, to put it mildly. ‘I am NOT the right fit for this,’ I thought. ‘Surely there is someone more qualified, more well-spoken, more polished and more CONFIDENT than me who should be on that stage.’ Well, I said yes anyway.
The panel on September 20 featured Amy Mansfield, Dean at Davenport’s Maine College of Business, and Deb Muchmore, CEO of Deb Muchmore Consulting, to talk about how they create habits that cultivate confidence. Both of these successful, kind and funny women have more than 30 years experience in leadership positions and offered some fantastic, authentic advice.
As Amy said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “I can tell you what I do to be more confident. But it will be different for everyone. The important thing is to sit with yourself and figure out when you feel the most like you. What makes YOU feel confident? It will be different for everyone. You have to identify that thing and do more of it.”
Deb shared that she isn’t afraid to copy other women she admires. Imitating the tactics of other women is a great way to build your own confidence bank. Also, saying yes. The more you say yes and do things that scare you just a little bit, the easier it gets. Doing things that make you confident is better than just thinking about them. And be yourself. Deb has a plaque on her desk that says “Be you. The rest of the world will adjust.”
I’ve been trying to say yes to more things that are out of my comfort zone. Things I’m not necessarily good at or experienced with. Why? Because men do that every day. They don’t overthink it or wonder if they’ll be good enough. (Though apparently that’s mostly because they’re lost in thought about a preeminent civilization rife with brutality and greed that hasn’t existed in 2,000 years).
Ask a man how often he doubts himself, wonders whether he is good enough. Then ask a woman. I guarantee you’ll get different answers.
Confidence is a goal, not a feeling. It’s peaks and valleys. But if you cultivate little daily habits to build yourself up, the valleys can be shallower.
Just say yes. Do the thing. Don’t think about how good you will or won’t be. Put habits in place that boost your confidence and then do more of them.
Or, just think about the Roman Empire instead.
*I just explained a joke so, if I wasn’t already convinced I’m cruising easily into middle age, I am now.
*‘Brilliant monologue from the Barbie movie’ now there’s a phrase I never thought I’d write. As someone who has never even owned a pink item of clothing, I didn’t anticipate liking the movie and I certainly didn’t anticipate falling in love with it and watching it 3x in a month, but here we are.
