No isn’t a bad word: My journey to setting boundaries.
Being an overachiever, people pleaser and perfectionist have always been points of pride for me.
Those traits have always been central to my success and ability to achieve my goals. Always saying yes and doing whatever is needed to get the task done has been how I have operated for as long as I can remember. While that’s great for client service and for my family or whoever else needs something taken care of… it ignores something essential in my life: my own needs.
I have written before about how important self-care is, and while I still strongly believe in it, under the way I have operated for so long, there’s little time or energy left for any of that. Maybe some people can stay up later or get up earlier to fit in something extra for themselves, but I require my full eight hours so that is not an option for this girl.
Enter this “new” concept: boundaries. For so long, saying yes and doing exactly what was being asked seemed like the only option to me. But newsflash… apparently, it’s not! Setting boundaries for yourself, in both work life and personal life, puts the limit on what’s truly achievable without doing so at your own expense, which I am notorious for doing. We need to get away from the mentality that everything in life needs to be done NOW and set up proper limits for ourselves.
In my short experience working to set boundaries, I have learned that doing so helps reduce my stress level, improves my mental health, and makes me a more present wife, mother and team member. I also truly believe it shows that I value myself, which I believe people greatly respect. While I can never get back the time I spent working well into the night because I didn’t set boundaries, I am making changes for the future, and you can too.
Here are a few questions I ask myself when I’m working to set a boundary:
When does this task actually need to be done? (Set realistic timelines, everything can’t be due tomorrow!)
Do I need to be the one to handle this? (This one is SOOOO hard for me, but delegating and asking for help is GOOD!)
Is this a good use of my energy right now or can it wait? (Keep that computer closed after hours!)
Now I’m no pro at this and this effort is definitely a work in progress for me, but it has already helped me. In the age of always being “on,” with our entire lives at our fingertips on our phones, we must remember that just because we CAN or just because someone ASKS you to, doesn’t mean you have to. Recognizing our limits and setting boundaries is a sign of strength, not weakness that I strongly believe will keep me from burning out in all aspects of life. This is a journey to help me be a better me and I hope others will join me.